I met Jason at a restaurant in Dallas. Jason was the one that was holding the gun when it went off and shot Ryan. My mother went with me. I was so nervous to meet him. I could tell he was scared when I saw him. We hugged and he said he was sorry. I told him that I knew he was, and I was too. He told me that he was still living in the same house and wouldn’t fix the wall where the shotgun had fired through. He was making it a daily reminder of the life that he took. His wife and children had moved out. The trauma was too much for them. He was living a nightmare and felt unworthy of any happiness.
To Jason, Ryan was defined as the traumatic scene that took place in his kitchen. That was not Ryan, and I wanted Jason to know that. As we sat there crying, I made him watch Ryan’s memorial video. I showed him pictures of Ryan and told him stories of how wonderful he was. I looked right at Jason and told him that Ryan’s life was way too important and special for any more lives to be ruined. I told him I forgave him and didn’t blame him for the accident. I truly believed it was God’s will, and even though I hated it, it was Ryan’s time. I told him I didn’t understand why it had to happen this way, but I was sorry that it did. I also told him I wanted him to either fix the wall, or move out. He needed to be with his wife and children. Ryan’s death had caused enough pain. He would not want Jason’s family torn apart and I knew Ryan forgave him.
We talked a couple more times after that meeting, he had gotten back together with his wife and had moved into a new place. I was glad to hear that.
I went to Texas four months after Ryan had died to see where he had lived, and meet his friends. I wanted to meet the nurse that had taken care of Ryan and see The Wall of Life with all the names of organ donors on it… with Ryan’s name on it. I needed to meet Jason personally so I could forgive him.
When Ryan was living in Texas, I worried about where he lived. He didn’t give me his home address. He said he wasn’t ever sure when he’d be home to get mail so he gave me his work address. I worried that he was living in a tough neighborhood and didn’t want me to Google Earth his home address! He did reassure me that it was a nice place. When I visited, I saw for myself, Ryan did live in a very nice neighborhood! His next door neighbors became a part of his extended family. They barbecued together, hung out, and helped each other out. They even cut a hole in their backyard fence so their dogs were able to go back and forth and play with each other! Ryan had a roommate that lived with him. Such a neat person. It was his roommate that got Ryan into rock climbing. Ryan did have close friends from high school that were professional rock climbers too. He sought advice from them on what type of equipment to get, then went out and bought the best equipment and way too much of it! But like everything else, he had to do it at 110%.
We had a celebration of life for Ryan at the neighbors house. It was so very special to feel the love they all had for my boy. Each person had hilarious, wild, and adventurous stories they had shared with Ryan. I knew why he enjoyed living there, he lived in the “friendly state, where everything is bigger!” We felt the big friendship that had surrounded him, and now us. They had a baseball cap of Ryan’s that he had left in their garage from a recent gathering. They left the hat right where he had hung it and said they planned on leaving it where Ryan left it, as long as they lived there.
Ryan had a neighbor across the street that nobody knew. The man would get on his motorbike and ride around the block and then go back in his garage and shut the door. The neighbors weren’t sure what to think, but assumed he didn’t want to get to know anyone around. Ryan went over, knocked on the door, introduced himself, and got to know the man. That neighbor came to the celebration too. He told me how nice it was of Ryan to do that for him, he had been lonely and depressed after losing his adult son!
My mother and I went to Harris Methodist Hospital where Ryan was taken to in his final hours. I met nurse Desiree, the angel that stayed with my boy for three days. She stayed with him for the first 10 hours until he was pronounced and then still stayed with him until all his donor surgeries were done! She sang songs of praise to him, told him how much we loved him, and prayed over him. She comforted me on the phone, told me what was happening and helped me understand what to expect next. I am forever grateful for the comfort she brought us on those horrible days! Thankfully, I was able to meet her in person! She gave me a handprint of Ryan, made from plaster. It was so thoughtful. She understood that even though he was 24 at the time, he was still my baby. Without ever being awake, without a word out of his mouth, she was touched by Ryan’s spirit. She said she would never forget him and the impact he had on her in that critical care unit. She is the true definition of being Clothed in Christ.
“Therefore, as God’s elect, holy and loved, clothe yourselves with heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” – Colossians 3:12
We met other nurses that were there that day too. They all remembered Ryan specifically! It is truly heartwarming that people who care for so many critically injured patients- ones that they are sure aren’t going to survive, ones that never even wake up… these caregivers knew my Ryan and really cared for him and his family! They are amazing human beings!
Ryan didn’t have a chance to survive, we know that because the brain surgeon was actually on site and was able to examine Ryan immediately. Ryan’s nurse, Desiree, said this was not common and she was confident that if anything could have been done, that surgeon would have been able to do it.
Ryan was so handsome, funny, and confident. I saw a meme once that definitely made me think of him. It said “Of course I am an organ donor, who wouldn’t want a piece of this?”
Ryan’s heart and liver went to one recipient, left kidney and pancreas went to another, the right kidney to a third recipient, right lung to a fourth, and left lung to a fifth recipient. He gave skin grafts and bone grafts that go to help countless patients. I sent letters to the recipients on a couple occasions. I did receive a letter from a lung recipient who was so thankful. He said he knew as soon as he woke from surgery that he was blessed with the ability to breathe again. He also said that he was able to celebrate his 30th anniversary with his wife which wouldn’t have happened without the transplant.
I really wanted to meet Ryan’s heart recipient. Unfortunately, this man didn’t ever correspond with me. The recipients have the right to remain anonymous, which I completely understand. He passed away last year. Nine years! His family had nine extra years with him! That is a blessing for sure!
“Organ donation is a serious practice of “dharma” and the greatest service to mankind.” – The Dalai Lama
I am thankful I was able to see a glimpse of Ryan’s life in Texas. He always told me how he really liked it there. He had great friends and worked for an incredible company. He had a plan of how he was going to move directly to the top and I believe he would have. I feel confident that if you asked his boss, he would agree too!
I am thankful he was able to make such an impact with so many people. He really was a handsome, funny, and confident person that people just adored. He was my blessing given from God and made all the difference in my life! I miss him every day.
