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Remembering Ryan Blog #14
“Just as you knew you loved him and could remember him on demand before he died, the same will be true now and into the rest of your life.” – Karen Nicola I fear losing memories… especially of Ryan. It is said that after people die, it is their voice that people usually forget first.…
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Visiting Texas – Blog #13
I met Jason at a restaurant in Dallas. Jason was the one that was holding the gun when it went off and shot Ryan. My mother went with me. I was so nervous to meet him. I could tell he was scared when I saw him. We hugged and he said he was sorry. I…
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A Chosen Mother – Blog #12
“There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes.” – David Platt I wanted to take the time to honor all the grieving mothers this week. Unfortunately, I know way too many. It is every mother’s worst fear, only when it happens, it becomes…
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Losing My Sister- Blog #11
May Day 2010, I stood beside my oldest sister holding her left hand. I knew God was taking her, but I also knew she didn’t want to let go. My mother was on the other side of her. I whispered into her ear that I loved her and it was okay to go. I felt…
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Signs – Blog #10
I am not a person who likes bugs of any type. I would much rather see a snake than a spider. I remember one time Neal teasing me saying I pushed Ryan over trying to get away from a bee. Well, he did exaggerate some. I didn’t push Ryan over, but I did run away…
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Getting Help – Blog #9
As time passed, it became harder and harder to seek outside help. I knew the grief wasn’t going to go away, but I thought it would become easier. “No one ever told me grief felt so like fear.” -C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. Talking about my loss made me worry that people were judging me,…
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Cancer & Religion – Blog #7
“You can be a victim of cancer, or a survivor of cancer. It’s a mindset.” – DAVE PELZER I was born in December 1969, right before Christmas. I was the fifth of six kids that my mother had. She had three children with her first marriage and three with my father. The oldest and youngest…
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Honoring Neal on His Birthday!
Today is Neal’s birthday. I want to honor him today and tell a little of our story. When a marriage or relationship ends, people say you need to take time, get over it, and move on. Find the next love of your life. Go down that broken path, and forget the past. A spouse dying…
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Why Blog? Why Now? – Blog #6
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary..” – Fred Rogers I want to start by telling you all how wonderful it feels to write these blogs! I have had people reach out…
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The Shattered Club – Blog #5
Nobody wants to be in the grieving parents club! As a parent, losing your child is the most dreaded nightmare of all. My kids were raised in a very small community. There were less than 500 students K-12 at the time they attended school. The families were tight knit, as most of the kids knew…
Opening Up After Life's Traumatic Experiences
Life after childhood cancer, abuse, family addictions, death of my son, suicide of my husband, and more.