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12 Months – Blog #28
My grief for Ryan is felt with every experience, good and bad. Last week I gained a new granddaughter, and I am so overcome with the abundance of love I have for her. I can’t stop wondering how I can feel so much love with such a broken heart. As I ponder the last 12…
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Finding My Sunshine – Blog #23
“Our greatest battles are that with our own minds.” – Jameson Fran The first time I really consciously thought about trying to change my mindset was when I decided to have my foot surgeries. Instead of focusing on the pain, I changed my words and thoughts to “this is what it feels like to heal.”…
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Unbreakable Bonds – Blog #22
I am always fascinated at the timeless bond that is made in the four short years of high school. Four years is such a short amount of time when you look at a lifetime. Even though we only see eachother every once in a blue moon, and talk or message each other a couple times…
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Improving Quality of Life – Blog #21
“A range of studies reveal the powerful effects grief can have on the body. Grief increases inflammation, which can worsen health problems you already have and cause new ones. It batters the immune system, leaving you depleted and vulnerable to infection. The heartbreak of grief can increase blood pressure and the risk of blood clots.…
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My heart hurts! – Blog #15
It feels like an apocalypse is coming sometimes. I spend so much of my life waiting for worst case scenarios. I learned a long time ago to never think that things can’t get worse… life can always get worse! I’ve been feeling pretty good. Writing my blogs has helped a ton. I talked to my…
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Remembering Ryan Blog #14
“Just as you knew you loved him and could remember him on demand before he died, the same will be true now and into the rest of your life.” – Karen Nicola I fear losing memories… especially of Ryan. It is said that after people die, it is their voice that people usually forget first.…
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Visiting Texas – Blog #13
I met Jason at a restaurant in Dallas. Jason was the one that was holding the gun when it went off and shot Ryan. My mother went with me. I was so nervous to meet him. I could tell he was scared when I saw him. We hugged and he said he was sorry. I…
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Losing My Sister- Blog #11
May Day 2010, I stood beside my oldest sister holding her left hand. I knew God was taking her, but I also knew she didn’t want to let go. My mother was on the other side of her. I whispered into her ear that I loved her and it was okay to go. I felt…
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Signs – Blog #10
I am not a person who likes bugs of any type. I would much rather see a snake than a spider. I remember one time Neal teasing me saying I pushed Ryan over trying to get away from a bee. Well, he did exaggerate some. I didn’t push Ryan over, but I did run away…
Opening Up After Life's Traumatic Experiences
Life after childhood cancer, abuse, family addictions, death of my son, suicide of my husband, and more.