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The Adventures of Hammer (Ryan’s Dog) – Blog #17
“Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart from our lives to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart.” – Liam J. Barnes Ryan loved dogs and had a special bond with our family pets growing up. When he was 4,…
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One Person is Enough- Blog #16
Actions do speak louder than words, but actions do not define who a person is, their life, nor their being. Why is it easier to say my loved one died of natural causes, or cancer, or even heart disease than it is to say they died from drug addiction, or suicide? Saying my sister died…
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My heart hurts! – Blog #15
It feels like an apocalypse is coming sometimes. I spend so much of my life waiting for worst case scenarios. I learned a long time ago to never think that things can’t get worse… life can always get worse! I’ve been feeling pretty good. Writing my blogs has helped a ton. I talked to my…
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Remembering Ryan Blog #14
“Just as you knew you loved him and could remember him on demand before he died, the same will be true now and into the rest of your life.” – Karen Nicola I fear losing memories… especially of Ryan. It is said that after people die, it is their voice that people usually forget first.…
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Visiting Texas – Blog #13
I met Jason at a restaurant in Dallas. Jason was the one that was holding the gun when it went off and shot Ryan. My mother went with me. I was so nervous to meet him. I could tell he was scared when I saw him. We hugged and he said he was sorry. I…
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A Chosen Mother – Blog #12
“There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes.” – David Platt I wanted to take the time to honor all the grieving mothers this week. Unfortunately, I know way too many. It is every mother’s worst fear, only when it happens, it becomes…
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Losing My Sister- Blog #11
May Day 2010, I stood beside my oldest sister holding her left hand. I knew God was taking her, but I also knew she didn’t want to let go. My mother was on the other side of her. I whispered into her ear that I loved her and it was okay to go. I felt…
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Signs – Blog #10
I am not a person who likes bugs of any type. I would much rather see a snake than a spider. I remember one time Neal teasing me saying I pushed Ryan over trying to get away from a bee. Well, he did exaggerate some. I didn’t push Ryan over, but I did run away…
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Getting Help – Blog #9
As time passed, it became harder and harder to seek outside help. I knew the grief wasn’t going to go away, but I thought it would become easier. “No one ever told me grief felt so like fear.” -C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. Talking about my loss made me worry that people were judging me,…
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Why Blog? Why Now? – Blog #6
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary..” – Fred Rogers I want to start by telling you all how wonderful it feels to write these blogs! I have had people reach out…
Opening Up After Life's Traumatic Experiences
Life after childhood cancer, abuse, family addictions, death of my son, suicide of my husband, and more.