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Visiting Texas – Blog #13
I met Jason at a restaurant in Dallas. Jason was the one that was holding the gun when it went off and shot Ryan. My mother went with me. I was so nervous to meet him. I could tell he was scared when I saw him. We hugged and he said he was sorry. I…
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A Chosen Mother – Blog #12
“There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes.” – David Platt I wanted to take the time to honor all the grieving mothers this week. Unfortunately, I know way too many. It is every mother’s worst fear, only when it happens, it becomes…
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Losing My Sister- Blog #11
May Day 2010, I stood beside my oldest sister holding her left hand. I knew God was taking her, but I also knew she didn’t want to let go. My mother was on the other side of her. I whispered into her ear that I loved her and it was okay to go. I felt…
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Signs – Blog #10
I am not a person who likes bugs of any type. I would much rather see a snake than a spider. I remember one time Neal teasing me saying I pushed Ryan over trying to get away from a bee. Well, he did exaggerate some. I didn’t push Ryan over, but I did run away…
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Getting Help – Blog #9
As time passed, it became harder and harder to seek outside help. I knew the grief wasn’t going to go away, but I thought it would become easier. “No one ever told me grief felt so like fear.” -C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. Talking about my loss made me worry that people were judging me,…
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Cancer & Religion – Blog #7
“You can be a victim of cancer, or a survivor of cancer. It’s a mindset.” – DAVE PELZER I was born in December 1969, right before Christmas. I was the fifth of six kids that my mother had. She had three children with her first marriage and three with my father. The oldest and youngest…
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Why Blog? Why Now? – Blog #6
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary..” – Fred Rogers I want to start by telling you all how wonderful it feels to write these blogs! I have had people reach out…
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The Shattered Club – Blog #5
Nobody wants to be in the grieving parents club! As a parent, losing your child is the most dreaded nightmare of all. My kids were raised in a very small community. There were less than 500 students K-12 at the time they attended school. The families were tight knit, as most of the kids knew…
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Grieving Publicly – Blog #4
Society puts a timeline on grief. Most organizations that give bereavement leave to employees offer 3 to 5 days per year. That usually doesn’t include pay. Of course, most employers will allow more time, but that means when you come back, you had better be “over” the grief. You can’t be stuck in grief. You…
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My Husband’s Suicide – Blog #3
My Husband’s Suicide Neal was the funniest person I knew. That is how he captured my heart. He made me laugh everyday, usually at myself! He was so brilliant. You never wanted to play trivia pursuit with him… somehow he always knew the answers! Actually, you could not play any game with him without him…
Opening Up After Life's Traumatic Experiences
Life after childhood cancer, abuse, family addictions, death of my son, suicide of my husband, and more.