I am not a person who likes bugs of any type. I would much rather see a snake than a spider. I remember one time Neal teasing me saying I pushed Ryan over trying to get away from a bee. Well, he did exaggerate some. I didn’t push Ryan over, but I did run away from him and the bee!

The night before Ryan’s services, we had a gathering at our home. All of Ryan’s friends were there telling the stories of their adventures with him… stories that Ryan hadn’t shared with me. I wanted to hear everything. I hated that I would never get to hear those stories from his perspective, but at least I would hear them. As one of his dearest friends was talking, a very large teal dragonfly started to fly above my head. I was terrified! I had never had one that close to me. It freaked me out with its pincers on its tail. I didn’t know if it could bite or sting. I just knew I was scared!  BUT, I knew if I started to cause a scene, the story would stop, so I had to really focus on the story and ignore the dragonfly.

The next day after his service, people said there were dragonflies outside the church. I didn’t see them that day, but I did start to notice them everywhere.

I got a card in the mail from a bereavement organization. It had a dragonfly charm in it, and told The Dragonfly Story by Walter Dudley Cavert. “In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs who could not understand why none of their group ever came back after crawling up the lily stems to the top of the water. They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what had happened to him. Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made him a dragonfly with beautiful wings. In vain he tried to keep his promise. Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below. Then he realized that even if they could see him they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number. The fact that we cannot see our friends or communicate with them after the transformation which we call death is no proof that they cease to exist.”

I started to research dragonflies and draw them. I was not an artist, by any means, but I started to doodle a lot to help my mind focus on something other than pain. I learned they don’t bite or sting! They use those pincers for mating. They date back to prehistoric times and come in many, many different sizes and colors. I knew Ryan was showing me he was still with me through the dragonflies. 

Sometimes when I see them, I just think “Oh, a dragonfly!” But other times, I see one and I know it’s a sign. I’m not sure how I know, I just do!

One day Haley was home sick. On my lunch break, I brought her home some drinks and soup. When I went to leave, a dragonfly flew in front of my truck and to the tree I had planted for Ryan after he died. I decided to get out of the truck and go to the tree. I knew it was a sign from Ryan but didn’t know what to take of it. I thought that maybe he was just letting me know he was there to watch after Haley. As I went to back out, a neighbor was backing up a trailer into their driveway and I had to wait a few more moments. As I drove back to work, I came upon an intersection with a car that had flipped over on its side. I then saw a first responder running to the car. I knew at that moment, Ryan had prevented me (at the very least) from being the first one on the scene. 

Another time I was sitting on my deck out back when a dragonfly came and landed right beside me. I watched it and knew it was there to comfort me. I had tears running down my face, feeling close to Ryan at that moment.  Soon after, Neal arrived home and had the Texas police report on Ryan’s accident and death. I read the report and cried myself to sleep, curled up on the floor in my bedroom.

Ryan’s motorcycle # was 777, he died 7/7/13. It was the 7th day of the week, 7th day of the month, 7th month of the year. A month after his death, Neal and I went to the Sturgis motorcycle rally. We had bought concert tickets before Ryan’s death, and decided we would go ahead and go for a couple days. While walking down Main Street, there was a vender selling t-shirts. On a t-shirt there was a picture of a man riding a motorcycle down a cross that looked like a ramp. At the end of the cross were the numbers 777. The shirt read “God’s Speed.” Not Godspeed, meaning safe journey. I freaked out. I did not know that 777 was a sign for Christianity. I was frantically asking what the shirt meant. The people were kinda looking at me funny as I began to cry and continued to grill them on the meaning of the shirt. I explained to them how my son had died and that was his motorcycle number. They explained to me how the number represents Christianity. I bought the t-shirt and made a pillow out of it. I researched the number further and found that the number 7 represents completion (God rested on the 7th day) and repeating a word or number three times means perfect. So, what 777 means in Christianity is “perfectly complete.” The shirt to me was a sign that Ryan’s life was perfectly complete and he died in God’s timing. 

On what would have been Ryan’s 25th birthday, 6 weeks before his one year memorial, we were in Las Vegas for my niece’s wedding. We were inundated with signs from Ryan! First, when we got off the plane in Vegas, we were given discount cards, one of them had the Rorschach symbol that Ryan had tattooed on his back. I had never seen it before on anything other than Ryan. The morning of his birthday, Neal and I were going to get a rental car and saw a car with 777 Towing on the side. We went to Kounts Customs and saw they have a band called Kounts 77.  We went to Pawn Stars and the address there is 713! Nate and I got tattoos in memory of Ryan. At Studio 21, the tattoo place, there was a drawing on the wall above us with Bill Murray pointing at us. Ryan had a shirt with the same picture. And to top it all off, I felt like I was ready to take a step and get a family picture of us without Ryan. I had my nephew take them. He took three pictures of us, and right after, he looked down, said “What is that?” and picked up a small charm that said “thank you.” I knew right away that it was from Ryan telling Kenton thanks for helping us take this step. The first two pictures do not have the orb in them, but the third one does. 

Dragonflies will follow me on four wheeler rides, land on me out at the lake, and visit me everywhere. But it’s not just me that he shows his presence through dragonflies.

The nurse that was with Ryan in his final hours told me how her father had died and as she was on her way to the funeral home, a dragonfly flew right outside her driver window and followed her for blocks. She said she knew right away it was Ryan letting her know he was greeting her father in heaven. She didn’t think it was her dad, she knew it was Ryan!

A couple from Texas, Ryan’s friends, and their two children also had a dragonfly visit. The dad and two kids were about ready to leave their house when a dragonfly landed on their screen door. Not thinking anything, they shooed it away. As they went to leave the dragonfly flew in their house and around for a bit. Then it flew out. As they were driving down the interstate, they were involved in an accident and their vehicle hit the cement medium. No one was injured, it was a miracle! As they looked back, they realized the dragonfly was Ryan showing them he was going to protect their family that day.

The week I moved to Spearfish, I was outside my house and a dragonfly came and landed on a post in my yard by me. I felt comforted that Ryan was with me.

I see 7’s everywhere, when I see three 7’s in a row or a 3 and a 7 together, I pay special attention. After Neal died I decided to use money I had got from a life insurance policy he had to take his family and mine to San Diego for Christmas. I wanted to do something to honor him and try to make good memories. The credit card I ended up getting to pay for the trip ended with the numbers 7713! I knew I was making the right decision.

After Neal died, I started finding dimes everywhere. It was in special places that I would find them, when I was doing something new or struggling with something. I finally realized that Neal was leaving me dimes. I researched that, and learned that it represents your loved one showing approval of your choices and decisions. 

My sister Lindee always collected heart rocks. She leaves us heart rocks every now and then to let us know she is still with us too!

“Life does not end when we die. Death is a rebirth into a spirit world of light and love, a transition from the physical to the spiritual that is no more frightening or painful than passing between rooms through an open doorway. It is a joyful homecoming to our natural home,…” – Embraced by the Light, Betty J Eadie

I love knowing my loved ones are in heaven. I also love that they are able to show me, in their own special way, that they really are still with me!

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