Today is Neal’s birthday. I want to honor him today and tell a little of our story.

When a marriage or relationship ends, people say you need to take time, get over it, and move on. Find the next love of your life. Go down that broken path, and forget the past. 

A spouse dying is not a split up or divorce. You didn’t fall out of love. 

The loss, in fact, makes you focus so much more deeply on that love. You find appreciation for the love you had, and even regret that you may have taken it for granted at times.

Grief, caused by the fact that you can not be with your loved one, is manifested because of that love.

I will always love Neal, therefore I will never stop grieving for him. I want to acknowledge this grief and embrace the memories.

Neal loved his family. He was the youngest of five children and from a very small rural town in North Dakota.

He gave the world great memories! People who knew him in his youth, were all surprised to find out he became the administrator of a justice office. He was a cocky, wild, reckless teen. He was very lucky to have survived many of those escapades. I would hear the stories of his youth, most often when he was visiting with old friends, and there was a lot of laughter when those stories were shared. People who say there is nothing to do in tiny rural towns, did not grow up around these guys! He was a great friend!

I met Neal in our early 20’s and I must say, he had not fully passed the “wild years” quite yet. The fact that we fell in love and he wanted to be my husband and Ryan’s father had a big impact on settling down. It was difficult for me to let him into my life in the beginning, because I had been a single mother for 3 years. I was determined to keep Ryan my main priority and protect his heart.  

We were married on Valentine’s Day, on top of the mountain. Friends and family spent the day sledding before the ceremony. Ryan was our ring bearer, and our niece Rachael was our flower girl. I look at the picture of the four of us, and I’m the only one still alive.

We decided shortly after we got married that we wanted to have another baby. Eleven months later, we had Nathan. Earlier that same day, we had been to the courthouse for Ryan’s adoption by Neal! It was such a dream come true. Neal officially became a dad twice in the same day! He really loved having his boys first! He loved camping and motorcycling with them when they were older.

It was three years after having Nate that we had our baby girl, Haley. Haley was always daddy’s girl. It didn’t help that I wanted to teach her to say “daddy” first. I figured if she woke up crying in the middle of the night, it would be beneficial if she cried for him versus me. He would always wake me up anyway saying, “Haley needs you!” They were wrapped tight, right around each other’s fingers! I struggle so much feeling like I am not  as good of a parent to her as he was. In her eyes, he could do no wrong. 

Neal was such a good father! He raised our kids to be smart and accountable for their own aspirations in life. As an adult, Ryan called Neal and thanked him for choosing to be his father. Ryan told him he was proud to be his son. That meant so much to Neal! 

Neal made a lasting, positive difference in the lives of juveniles and adults. He loved counseling kids and helping adults too. Because of his past, he was able to connect with them. He had such a knack for helping others see the logistical side of situations. He received a posthumous award for his role in the Wyoming Juvenile Justice System.

Neal had the best sense of humor. He made everybody laugh! Sometimes at their own expense, but after giving it a second to think about it, it was too funny to be upset with him. 

He really loved teasing my dad! One of the funniest times was just before Christmas, and he asked if he could come over and wrap presents at his house so we wouldn’t see them. Once he was there, Neal and dad were talking away while Neal was “wrapping” the presents. He was intentionally doing such a horrible job at it. Wrapping and unwrapping, tearing the paper, taping it weird, etc… He knew it would drive my dad crazy! My dad is a very organized perfectionist. Eventually, my dad said, “Don’t you know how to wrap a present?” Neal told him no, so dad proceeded to show him. Neal would act like he understood, but then go back to his absurd wrapping. Dad would get frustrated and yell, “Just give it to me!” Neal would laugh and laugh telling everyone how he got my dad to wrap all his Christmas gifts! He was pretty good at that trick with dad, it worked for oil changes, cleaning his wild game, doing dishes, you name it! Dad always fell for it, at least for a moment.  Once dad would realize what was happening, he would cuss Neal out for tricking him again! 

When we were first dating, he told me his brother’s name was short for Anastasia. When I asked Stacy about it, without skipping a beat, Stacy told me Neal’s name was actually Cornelius Delbert! When I laughed, he made me feel guilty for laughing at him. I finally had enough nerve to ask his mother and she told me never to believe anything out of their mouths without asking her first!

He loved keeping the workplace crew  on their toes! They never knew what they’d find in their desk drawers or behind the blinds. Everyone played their share of practical jokes, but let’s just say Neal was much better at giving than receiving. 

I wish I could have saved him. I would do anything to go back and stay with him that day. I pray he knows that. 

I think he knows how missed he is, and how thankful we are that we had the time that we did with him.

Happy Birthday Neal!