Some days I get asked if I’m having a bad day. For some reason that question will trigger the worst of days. My initial thought is “Do I look like I’m having a bad day?” Then my thoughts will turn to “Do you really think any day could be considered a ‘good’ day?” And then I usually finish with “I deserve to have a bad day every now and then!”

I assume people are judging me on what kind of day I’m having based on my appearance or attitude. Do they think they can relate to me? These are the stories I carry with me…

My name is Jo. I will turn 55 this year. I was diagnosed with Acute Myloblastic Lukemia at age 3 and didn’t go into a full remission until age 12. I had chemotherapy, radiation therapy, bone marrow transplants, blood transfusions, and a plethora of medications. I wasn’t supposed to go through puberty or have the ability to have children. I had three children, one miscarriage. 

I broke three vertebrae in my back at age 13, and wasn’t supposed to walk for at least 3 months. I walked in 3 days! 

I suffer from ongoing depression. I attempted suicide once.

I suffered physical and emotional abuse as an adolescent.

At age 21, I lost my best friend in an alcohol-related car accident.

I have Meniere’s Disease which has taken my equilibrium, and caused deafness and tinnitus in my right ear. 

At age 40, I spent 3 months trying to reconcile the relationship with my oldest sister as she died from Esophageal Cancer. We had been estranged for 2 years, at my request because she was a severe alcoholic. 

When I was 43 years old, my oldest son at the age of 24 was killed by an accidental gunshot to his head. Two years and nine months later, my husband took his own life with a self inflicted gunshot to his head. He died one month before our youngest was to graduate high school. 

I have osteoarthritis and have had several surgeries on my feet and ankles to alleviate the pain. The arthritis is now in my knees, hands, and shoulders. 

I was obese most of my life and had weight loss surgery at age 51.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”- Plato

I spend my life trying to make good days, good memories, and I really try to be thankful for all the many blessings I have. But some days, like every other human on Earth, I have my bad days. I would like to believe they are justified. The people that really know me usually allow those days to flow. I don’t need someone to try to “fix” me, and I sure don’t want them to compare their life experience to mine- not when I’m struggling, just let me feel what I am feeling. I try not to affect other people’s day based on mine, and I try not to judge others when they are having a “bad” day. 

If there is one thing that I am certain of, however, it is that you can’t get time back once it has passed. You can’t make a “bad” day good once it’s over. I can’t go back and save my son from that horrible accident. I can’t hold him stronger and longer, knowing now that it was the last hug I would ever get from him. What I can do, is tell you that NOTHING will mean more to you than positive memories of a life lived with love! The good days are the memories you will cherish.

“The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion and compassion and humor and style and generosity and kindness.”- Maya Angelou

I could spend my life being angry and sad. It would be easy for me to have very strong political views on certain issues, the most obvious would be gun control- right! My son died from an accidental shooting, my husband took his life with a gun. I should HATE guns, but I don’t! I really enjoy going to the range and shooting. I feel safer owning a gun and knowing how to use it. I understand however, there are guns out there that are not meant for targets or hunting game. I understand that there are way too many people with these assault weapons that have them for criminal purposes and we need to somehow control that. 

There is so much hate and anger in the world! Losing my son has put most issues into perspective. I don’t walk in any other person’s shoes and therefore I can’t say that one way is the right or wrong way for everyone. I think we all want to relate our life’s experiences with one another, but some things are not relatable and should not be compared. 

I believe it is important to stand up for what you believe in. It is also important to have leaders that represent the people as a whole. How has our country gone so black and white, lacking compassion for one another? People act so offended that life isn’t tailored to their individual beliefs. Everyone is on the defense and our country is suffering because of it. I see people supporting ignorant people just because they are a certain sex, race, or stand a specific way on a particular issue. Yes, those things matter, but each does not represent our country as a whole. We can’t stand on black or white, our very democracy was built by establishing the gray… we are America!

“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”- Benjamin Franklin

My drive for writing this blog is not to share my political opinions, but rather, to emphasize that in the end, love is all that matters. Love brings joy and happiness and that is what everyone should have to remember about their loved one’s life after they die. That is what I want people to remember about me!

I am thankful for my past, it reminds me that I am a survivor and I can keep surviving. I keep the happy memories with my family and friends close to my heart. I love them all very much. I look at the pictures we have taken over the years and can see the smiles we all have. I watch the videos and hear the laughter. I am so grateful for my family, husband, kids, and grandkids that are with me now. They bring me joy and happiness. I also hold tight to the belief that I will be with my son and other loved ones that have passed again, some day.

Not everyone believes in God or the afterlife, but everyone should believe that there is a divine reason to live a good life and be kind to others. Isn’t that the definition of humanity? The ability to love and be compassionate as part of the human race.

Being compassionate does not mean you can relate to everyone, it means you care about and respect their differences. 

I am fortunate to live in a place where imminent danger isn’t lurking outside my doors, but that danger is filling up our big cities and spreading across the country. I am worried that it won’t take long for this chaotic uprising to be everywhere. Something we all should relate to, is that our country and livelihood is at risk! The only way we can stop this madness is to elect someone who can stand up to the hate, fear, and lies. The time to make a change is now, before it is too late! We need more positive, good days and we should never take them for granted, it can all be gone in an instant. 

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